Posted this on the BBBFic but can't be bothered coding it for INAP or FF.net tonight - I'll do it in the morning. In the meantime I'll put it here!


This fic will turn out very dark - dealing with subjects like abuse, rape and murder. If that's not your kind of thing then walk on by!

Part One
The hot water coursed down her body as she stood contemplating everything that had happened that evening. She had been left to patrol alone, big surprise there since this was most definitely B's beat and the blonde had taken serious offence to the fact that she was no longer the Chosen One. The older Slayer hasn't seemed able to accept that there was another hot chick with superpowers in town now.

Together the two of them could have been a formidable team, the Chosen Two, vampires of the world beware! But no, Buffy was too caught up in her self-involved tragically doomed tale of woe to realise that there may actually be a plus side to the whole calling issue. So Faith had struck out alone, it wasn't as though any of them had cared what she was up to so long as she showed up when they needed her.

She realised she'd begun to shiver a little, damn! The hot water had run out - again! Why was it that she was forced to stay in this rat-infested motel where the sleazy manager expected a blowjob in return for a measly five-dollar discount on the rent? She finished up in the shower as quickly as possible and towelled herself off brusquely in attempt to warm up again. You'd think after living all her life in South Boston she'd be uncomfortable in the warmth of Sunnydale, but there seemed to be a coldness that went through to the heart of her. She didn't like to think of the possibility that the coldness was coming from inside her.

With the paper-thin towel wrapped around her she left the bathroom and walked into the poor excuse for a main room. The paper was peeling off the walls and the lagging on the pipes consisted of hastily taped on fibreglass insulation that had started to cause a nasty itch in the back of her throat. Maybe she should take up cigarettes again, she already had the smoker's cough after all. She grabbed a tank top from the crappy drawer unit and pulled it on quickly. She looked around for her jeans and spotted them crumpled in a pile in the corner. They must have landed there when…

She sat down on the still unmade bed and a smile played across her face as she remembered the past few hours. A good fight always got her a little horny but this one had left her with no pay-off, her white knight had rescued her at the pinch and she was left all riled up. He'd still been there, however, and convenient. Her smile faltered as she considered the fact that she was uncomfortable thinking of him as convenient.

He'd been so damned nervous, claiming it was his first time. She had doubted that - after all he'd been dating the cheerleader slut for nearly a year hadn't he? But then he had looked so clueless that she'd had to revise her opinion. She hadn't taken anyone's virginity before and that thought alone had almost made her stop. But then she'd looked into his eyes, seen the raw desire there and knew it was a pale reflection of her own.

Inexperienced he may have been, but he'd proven himself to be a quick learner. Afterwards they'd lain in each other's arms, enjoying the moment. She'd found herself feeling drowsy, contented. That was new. So she'd kicked him out. Just like that.

And now it was an hour later and she missed him already. She'd never felt this way before. All of her life she'd shut herself off from contact with people, get too close and you get hurt - it happened every single fucking time. Sex was a tool, something she was damn good at and something that could often get her what she wanted. It was never about love, not even about attraction most of the time. That kind of thinking was for hopeless romantics who'd die alone surrounded by cats and pink frills. Or so she'd always believed.

The dumbfounded look on his face as she'd closed the door on him haunted her. Why had she done that? And more importantly, why was the fact that she did do it bothering her? She'd planned on using him as a one-night stand, an instant release but now, for the first time in her life, she found herself wishing he were still here. Or better still, that the two of them were together anywhere but here. It wasn't going to happen though, she pulled on the jeans that she had been sitting holding like a lifeline and grabbed her boots. She'd promised Giles that she'd head on over to the school to help out. It looked as thought there was a big shake down tonight, hell maybe a good fight would get these stupid thoughts out of her head, and if not then Xander was sure to be there.


One Hour Later

It was a helluva fight. Who knew there was a gateway to hell right under the library floor? Well, everyone but Faith apparently. This multi-tentacled thing that looked like a nightmarish version of the plant from Little Shop of Horrors had reared up at them and everyone else had looked like they were expecting it. She'd thrown herself into the fight, there was no point hanging back and being a wallflower like Willow after all. It had been pretty close and there were lots of times in the fight when Faith had found herself wishing they had another fighter there. They'd beaten it in the end and when it was dead Giles and the wannabe-witch had managed to seal the hole using some spell or other. Giles was full of warnings about that thing having guarded the fissure for millennia and who knew what else would come out of it if it breached again. She figured there was no point stressing about it; they'd deal as and when, same as always.

It was only then that she'd realised that Xander hadn't been there. She'd quizzed B about that but the blonde had mumbled something about not wanting to get him hurt so she'd told him to stay away. And then she'd headed off to moon over that damned freak of nature vampire. Faith couldn't bring herself to care about the fact that Angel had nearly bought it, she was actually fucking furious that Buffy thought so little of Xander. If only she knew what that boy was capable of!

Willow had helped Buffy take Angel back to the mansion and Giles had floated about the library trying to clean it up for school the next day. Again, Faith had been left to do her own thing. Surprise surprise, none of them seemed all that concerned about her. So she'd headed back to the motel, she was beat and there was no point heading out on patrol now, she'd only wind up making a stupid mistake through tiredness.

Pushing her way through the door - it always seemed to stick - she surveyed the room to see if anyone had been in. With this kind of place you never could tell, but there was no one. Part of her was disappointed at that, there had been a little bit of her hoping that Xander had somehow come back here, but no such luck. She double locked the door and put the chain across - not that that would stop anything determined to get in but it would act as an early warning system anyway. She stripped off her stained tank top and jeans. The top was wrecked, that was one of the hazards of being a Slayer, demon goo just never came out of some things. She studied the fabric of her jeans, they were marked up pretty badly but they were dark. She'd do her best to clean them up and hope no one noticed. She had no money for new clothes after all.

Aches and pains started to make themselves noticed and she found herself wishing there was enough hot water for another shower, but two in one day was pushing it in this rattrap. Instead, she filled the basin with what little water there was and left her jeans to soak overnight. Exhausted, she climbed under the sheets and tried to force herself to relax. Her mind was just too active and she couldn't get comfortable at all. She turned over to the other side of the bed and caught the scent of soap and sex. The pillow still smelled of him and she found herself dragging it close and breathing it in. The cynical part of her brain was laughing aloud at what she was doing. Normally by now she'd have stripped the bed and have fresh sheets on, no reminder of the guy left at all, and yet here she was, almost smothering herself with a pillow that had been in the room for God alone knew how long just to try to catch one more piece of him, to kid herself that maybe he was still here.