I'm havng self-confidence issues again. (Like there's ever a time when I don't.)

I want to write, but it's been so long since I've shared anything that I really don't trust in myself again. I've even had thoughts of sock-puppeting to see if I get any feedback, but then I chicken out.

I have ideas, I have stories which want to be finished, I just don't have the impetus to write.

And on top of that, I was doing a trawl through some of the other icon makers' journals and came across a post which shook my confidence in that area as well. I know I can make good icons. But I don't make great ones. I'm one of the flock and very little of what I do is innovative.

I know this sounds like one of my 'oh my god i'm so depressed' posts, but honestly, I'm not in a bad place right now. Things could be 100 times better, but that's true for everyone, right? I'm being reflective rather than depressive.

I just don't know that I have the ability to stand up and say 'I'm a writer' or 'I'm a digital graphic artist' because right now, I'm not.

And now, in an attempt to be slightly innovative, I'm going to go try to find some UK WWII propaganda posters for a project I ain't talking about yet. And also some Rat Pack pics for another project I ain't talking about (but may have something to do with thedothatgirl having sent me the pilot episode of a show I may have fallen hard for...).

(Oh, also - I now have a bed for the Friday and Saturday night at A4 and a couple of offers of floor space for the Sunday. I LOVE this fandom!)

I'm havng self-confidence issues again. (Like there's ever a time when I don't.)

I want to write, but it's been so long since I've shared anything that I really don't trust in myself again. I've even had thoughts of sock-puppeting to see if I get any feedback, but then I chicken out.

I have ideas, I have stories which want to be finished, I just don't have the impetus to write.

And on top of that, I was doing a trawl through some of the other icon makers' journals and came across a post which shook my confidence in that area as well. I know I can make good icons. But I don't make great ones. I'm one of the flock and very little of what I do is innovative.

I know this sounds like one of my 'oh my god i'm so depressed' posts, but honestly, I'm not in a bad place right now. Things could be 100 times better, but that's true for everyone, right? I'm being reflective rather than depressive.

I just don't know that I have the ability to stand up and say 'I'm a writer' or 'I'm a digital graphic artist' because right now, I'm not.

And now, in an attempt to be slightly innovative, I'm going to go try to find some UK WWII propaganda posters for a project I ain't talking about yet. And also some Rat Pack pics for another project I ain't talking about (but may have something to do with thedothatgirl having sent me the pilot episode of a show I may have fallen hard for...).

(Oh, also - I now have a bed for the Friday and Saturday night at A4 and a couple of offers of floor space for the Sunday. I LOVE this fandom!)

Should be packing for London, what with me having to get the train in six hours but am making a quick fly-by post right now. After all the insane flailing that's been going on all week, I am going to London no matter what. Heh!

Before I screwed up my hand I got back into icon making, and have been entering the otherworldlyric challenge which is awesome (fandoms focusing on the supernatural and lyrics provided by the mod) and...



and




Squee!

( entries under the cut )

And now I'm going to go pack before travelling overnight on a bus and then spending most of the day tomorrow trying not to spend a fortune in second hand book shops... oh, and going to some gig or other in the evening...

Should be packing for London, what with me having to get the train in six hours but am making a quick fly-by post right now. After all the insane flailing that's been going on all week, I am going to London no matter what. Heh!

Before I screwed up my hand I got back into icon making, and have been entering the otherworldlyric challenge which is awesome (fandoms focusing on the supernatural and lyrics provided by the mod) and...



and




Squee!

( entries under the cut )

And now I'm going to go pack before travelling overnight on a bus and then spending most of the day tomorrow trying not to spend a fortune in second hand book shops... oh, and going to some gig or other in the evening...

I'm flailing about the bus trip now. I'm going to be getting into the centre of Birmingham at 4.10 am. Alone. I don't know the city, I amn't meeting anyone when I get there* and I have no idea how much it'll cost to get a taxi out to the hotel (not that I can actually afford to get a taxi out to the hotel but I'll burn that bridge when I get to it).

I know some Asylum folks are going to be in town from the Thursday - anyone likely to be around to give me a little safety in numbers at that time on the Friday morning?

(Yeah, I'm sounding a little desperate, I'm a country girl, I don't do cities unless I absolutely have to.)

Another topic: ( Probably a little bit too girly TMIy but when has that stopped me before? )

Am I getting more stressed about the con now? You betcha I am.

* I would *love* to meet up with people at the con - apparently I'm getting a staff t-shirt which'll be so much fun, so I'm looking for suggestions to make me recognisable. Y'know, apart from the volcano on my chin. *g*

I'm flailing about the bus trip now. I'm going to be getting into the centre of Birmingham at 4.10 am. Alone. I don't know the city, I amn't meeting anyone when I get there* and I have no idea how much it'll cost to get a taxi out to the hotel (not that I can actually afford to get a taxi out to the hotel but I'll burn that bridge when I get to it).

I know some Asylum folks are going to be in town from the Thursday - anyone likely to be around to give me a little safety in numbers at that time on the Friday morning?

(Yeah, I'm sounding a little desperate, I'm a country girl, I don't do cities unless I absolutely have to.)

Another topic: ( Probably a little bit too girly TMIy but when has that stopped me before? )

Am I getting more stressed about the con now? You betcha I am.

* I would *love* to meet up with people at the con - apparently I'm getting a staff t-shirt which'll be so much fun, so I'm looking for suggestions to make me recognisable. Y'know, apart from the volcano on my chin. *g*

So I spent all morning working on graphics for something to post today and now I find I can't upload to any of the file sharing sites I can usually get to in the library. My own site needs FTP access for any files bigger than 2mb and they all are.

So now I have to go see sis and beg to use her computer. She's probably going to hover and it'll take ages (she's on mobile broadband) - the things I do for you people...

I may be back later with this elusive thing I want to post.

Or I may not.

Plus? I should probably think about what to pack for Asylum, since I'm getting a bus on Thursday night. Speaking of, how are the rest of the Scots getting there? And where's the bus station in relation to the hotel? I have been relatively calm about this con (given the givens) but today for some reason I've started to be a little flaily.

So I spent all morning working on graphics for something to post today and now I find I can't upload to any of the file sharing sites I can usually get to in the library. My own site needs FTP access for any files bigger than 2mb and they all are.

So now I have to go see sis and beg to use her computer. She's probably going to hover and it'll take ages (she's on mobile broadband) - the things I do for you people...

I may be back later with this elusive thing I want to post.

Or I may not.

Plus? I should probably think about what to pack for Asylum, since I'm getting a bus on Thursday night. Speaking of, how are the rest of the Scots getting there? And where's the bus station in relation to the hotel? I have been relatively calm about this con (given the givens) but today for some reason I've started to be a little flaily.

Okay, so not only did the wonderful menomegirl include Disconnected in yesterday's su_herald newsletter even though it's not strictly fandom related, but then I get the wonderful surprise of twasadark asking if I minded if she recorded a pod-fic reading of Theophilus' Kiss! (NC-17 m/m slash, Lindsey/Dean fic). I of course was hugely flattered and agreed - and here's the result! (I haven't listened yet 'cause I'm at work and it seems a bit... not the appropriate thing to be listening to! but I will be as soon as possible! (etea okay I've listened to it now, and man! It kinda rocks! I know this sounds really egocentric but there's a depth to the story that I had forgotten was there, even in my own head I see it as little more than PWP, but there is more. Deliberately so, and the reading of it brings that back to me. *flails* end edit)

So yeah, today? Is a good day.

And a quick message for wenchpixie

Good Luck!!

( and this is why my friends are awesome! )

and finally, a meme!

Quotes Meme, as seen floating around my flist for the last couple of days:
1. Go to http://quotationspage.com/random.php3
2. Refresh and read until you find five quotes that speak your truth.
3. Copy them into your journal.

( I cheated, I used 10. *g* )

Okay, so not only did the wonderful menomegirl include Disconnected in yesterday's su_herald newsletter even though it's not strictly fandom related, but then I get the wonderful surprise of twasadark asking if I minded if she recorded a pod-fic reading of Theophilus' Kiss! (NC-17 m/m slash, Lindsey/Dean fic). I of course was hugely flattered and agreed - and here's the result! (I haven't listened yet 'cause I'm at work and it seems a bit... not the appropriate thing to be listening to! but I will be as soon as possible! (etea okay I've listened to it now, and man! It kinda rocks! I know this sounds really egocentric but there's a depth to the story that I had forgotten was there, even in my own head I see it as little more than PWP, but there is more. Deliberately so, and the reading of it brings that back to me. *flails* end edit)

So yeah, today? Is a good day.

And a quick message for wenchpixie

Good Luck!!

( and this is why my friends are awesome! )

and finally, a meme!

Quotes Meme, as seen floating around my flist for the last couple of days:
1. Go to http://quotationspage.com/random.php3
2. Refresh and read until you find five quotes that speak your truth.
3. Copy them into your journal.

( I cheated, I used 10. *g* )

back at work for the first day today (dammit, why do I have to work in the freaking library? Why can't I do the work I was doing last weekend all the time?!) and since I have no net access at home this is my first chance to see just how far back I am on my flist... and that's on top of the 86 emails that came in just to my personal work email account while I was away.

I am never catching up. Link me please?

(have some pictures to post, not many 'cause I didn't get to use my camera a lot this weekend for obvious reasons, will do that some point soon)

back at work for the first day today (dammit, why do I have to work in the freaking library? Why can't I do the work I was doing last weekend all the time?!) and since I have no net access at home this is my first chance to see just how far back I am on my flist... and that's on top of the 86 emails that came in just to my personal work email account while I was away.

I am never catching up. Link me please?

(have some pictures to post, not many 'cause I didn't get to use my camera a lot this weekend for obvious reasons, will do that some point soon)

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(still working on the layout btw - it's not complete yet)

I have lots of scenarios and ficlets in my head (and in my many fic notebooks as well) but each one of them feels to me like a stand alone which I want to extend into a longer story.

And therein lies my problem. And is an explanation for why I have so many WIPs (which bug me as much as they do anyone who's reading them).

I get a scenario in my head, I write it, then my brain wants me to write more of it and show how the characters and situations developed - for example, I have a Dean/Faith ficlet I'm working on right now, but the scenario as I'm writing it is of an established... well, not 'relationship' in the traditional sense of the word, but they've met and interacted before the thing I'm writing happens.

It's short, it's punchy, it kinda works, but I want to show how they met, I want to show their history, and potentially their future.

Same with another fic I have on the go - a Bela centric short one-piece. (Wench, this is the one you've seen the first few paragraphs of.) Because of its nature it needs to be short and punchy, but when the reveal is made I want to explore it more but that will destroy the impact.

So here, finally, is the question.

Should I trust myself and my readers (you guys) to be able to see the world I've built in my head, or do I expand the stories and show that world?

I have a feeling I know the answer, so a secondary question is this: how do I stop myself from losing the impact?

I'm flaily. I may be getting used to this not getting out of bed until after the time I used to have been at work for an hour...

(still working on the layout btw - it's not complete yet)

I have lots of scenarios and ficlets in my head (and in my many fic notebooks as well) but each one of them feels to me like a stand alone which I want to extend into a longer story.

And therein lies my problem. And is an explanation for why I have so many WIPs (which bug me as much as they do anyone who's reading them).

I get a scenario in my head, I write it, then my brain wants me to write more of it and show how the characters and situations developed - for example, I have a Dean/Faith ficlet I'm working on right now, but the scenario as I'm writing it is of an established... well, not 'relationship' in the traditional sense of the word, but they've met and interacted before the thing I'm writing happens.

It's short, it's punchy, it kinda works, but I want to show how they met, I want to show their history, and potentially their future.

Same with another fic I have on the go - a Bela centric short one-piece. (Wench, this is the one you've seen the first few paragraphs of.) Because of its nature it needs to be short and punchy, but when the reveal is made I want to explore it more but that will destroy the impact.

So here, finally, is the question.

Should I trust myself and my readers (you guys) to be able to see the world I've built in my head, or do I expand the stories and show that world?

I have a feeling I know the answer, so a secondary question is this: how do I stop myself from losing the impact?

I'm flaily. I may be getting used to this not getting out of bed until after the time I used to have been at work for an hour...